The Godmother!

" I'll Make You A Machbous
You Can't Refuse! "

We've all seen a wide variety of mob movies (if not, go watch the first two Godfather movies now!) but they all seem to have one seemingly universal constant: a fearless, intimidating & deadly figure aka 'the don'. In my opinion, none were as memorable as Don Corleone, flawlessly portrayed by the late Marlon Brando (may he RIP). "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse", "Keep your friends close, & your enemies closer", and the list goes on! I mean is it just me, or do you find yourself wishing you were at least 1% Italian after watching one of these movies?! .. Well, except maybe for those Leslie Nielsen flicks..

Then it hit me! In some metaphorical kind of sense, we (the Kuwaiti/Bahraini/Saudi population) already have our very own 'Don' in the family: our grandmother(s)! Okay, so maybe I won't get a Nobel Prize for this epiphany (stretching it?); I mean for starters they're not even the same gender (..although..)! But the more I think about it, the more I want to go buy my grandmother some flowers just so that I don't find myself 'sleeping with the fish(es)' anytime soon!

In order to back up such a bold statement you can bet your pastrami I've come up with a dozen (plus 2) similarities shared by these charismatic figures. I just hope I'm not isolating anybody, & my condolences to those of you that lost your grandmothers. Don't feel left out if you haven't had the honour of meeting them, your parents (& you) will eventually transform into one whether you like it or not! Well, here goes:

I. They always stress the importance of family!

II. Outsiders are enemies until proven otherwise!

III. They resent outside food (or as our don eliquently put it: 'jungle food') & always favour home-cooked meals, preferably prepared by their very own hands!

IV. They force-feed you into obesity!

V. They almost always dress in black & own these ridiculously huge shades from some non-existent era (hence the amazing editing that went into the above picture)!

VI. Their house smells like mothballs! .. Wait, is that just us?!

VII. If they call you directly, you know you're in some deep s**t!

VIII. They have money.. Lots of it!

IX. They rarely ever go out, & when they do show up at a public occasion they're always accompanied by at least 2 members of the 'family' aka body-broads!

X. You never say no to them! Heck, you can't even contemplate it without breaking a sweat!

XI. They can never make friends with other 'dons'!

XII. Tradition is their first, middle & last name; with reminscing about 'simpler times' being their favourite pastime.

XIII. Technology just isn't their thing! (Hence, me having the guts to write this post!)

XIV. Their smile shares a schedule similar to that of the lunar eclipse!

Again, as always this is not to be taken seriously (spare me the drive-by's)! But please feel free to share some of your family's well-kept secrets :)

Murderball: So mind-numbingly good that simply calling it a 'documentary' should be considered a crime - it's an experience!